Harry Pothead and the Sorcerer's Kidney Stones
by mav3r1ck
Summary: This is my first story so easy on the flames plz. R
1. Disclaimer

Harry Pothead and The Sorcerer's Kidney Stones  
  
Author's Note: Ok this is my first story. Don't bite my head off if it isn't good. Ok here comes my very very sad attempt at being funny. R&R I guess.  
  
Disclaimer  
  
Harry: Watcha doin?  
  
Author (A.K.A. ... ME! HA HA HA I'm so funny): Writing a disclaimer for this ghetto story I'm writing.  
  
Ron: What's the story about?  
  
Author: Where the hell did you come from? And I'm writing about 100 ways to kill...GINNY.  
  
Harry: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!  
  
Ron: Cool! Can I help I'm tired of her trying to find ways to try and sleep with Harry.  
  
Harry: Ron how can you say that. I'm finally, after 5 years, realizing that I am madly in love with Ginny.  
  
Ginny: Really Harry?!  
  
Author, Ron, Harry: WHERE THE HELL DID YOU COME FROM!?  
  
Ginny: Well I put a tracker on Harry so I know when he is in the shower and so forth (Harry blushed at this) and I saw him here and I thought I might come and look here and I found you all here...  
  
Ron: Shut up!  
  
Ginny: Well Harry now that you have finally admitted that you love me I'm dragging you off to my room.  
  
Harry: Ok! Let's go.  
  
Ron: So are you going to finish the disclaimer or what.  
  
Author: Oh yeah. Here goes nothing  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of his happy little friends. Nor do I own Scarface. So NO MORE LAWSUITS GOD!!!!  
  
A/N: Ok I know that was really gay and pointless but to hell who cares. 


	2. Chapter 1: Postcards from Hell

A/N: Thanks guys for the support. Don't worry The Masked D.H. Lawrence I'll try my best not to get a huge ego. If any of my faithful lol reviewers have any tips I'll be more than happy to take them. I'm gonna try to make this chapter longer so here goes.  
  
Chapter 1: The Postcards from Hell  
  
Harry Pothead was not your average boy. He had a weed shaped scar on his forehead. Oh yeah and he was a wizard but that's not relevant at the moment anyway. One day Harry's parents were randomly walking around. And...  
  
Flash back  
  
"Hey Lily look we got our own flash back. This is my wedding present to you my love", said James Pothead. James Pothead: lying and smoking extraordinaire.  
  
"Oh James" Lily said in an overly dramatic tone. "Let's celebrate by going outside and randomly walking around."  
  
"Ok lets go."  
  
So James and Lily Pothead walked out of their house. On their walk James randomly decided to say something.  
  
"Hey Lil I don't remember us living on a cliff."  
  
"Neither do I. It must have been Duke Moldyvort." Said Lily in her overly dramatic voice.  
  
"Well we have to walk of it so our son can be more famous than us you know." Said James.  
  
"Ok lets do it... together", said Lily.  
  
And they proceeded to walk of the cliff.  
  
end overly dramatic flashback  
  
Any way so Harry lived with his Aunt and Uncle. They were very notorious gangsters at the time.  
  
Harry's cousin Tony would be one of the most notorious gangsters when he grew up. Anyway back Harry.  
  
Harry was sleeping (this is a classic start). Five minutes after he finally fell asleep in his bath tub under the stairs he was rudely awakened.  
  
"HOME BOI. HOME BOI. WAKE UP. TIME TO MAKE US SOME GHETTO HOOD RAP BATTLE EGGS. TONY HAS ANOTHER RAP BATTLE SO WAKE UP." Screamed his Aunt.  
  
"Ok I'm waking up." Harry then proceeded to make Tony's favorite kind of eggs.  
  
After Tony devoured his eggs and grabbed his Tommy Gun he ran outside.  
  
Harry then proceeded to do his favorite thing... the laundry. While Harry was doing the laundry postcards flew in and slit the Montana's gangster cat's throat. Harry was very excited. So excited that he wet his pants.  
  
"Oooooh goody maybe some one sent me dolls!" Harry squeaked.  
  
Harry was very disappointed when he found out that it was only postcards. When he looked at the postcards He realized that they were from all of the world.  
  
"Wow there's a place actually called Ecuador." Harry said in wonder. "The only place I new about was Italy because that's where the mafia is and Uncle is always talking about the mafia seeing that he owns it."  
  
So Harry left the postcards there and went on to finish the laundry  
  
(oh yea time lapse or what eva u call them)  
  
Later on that day Harry went outside.  
  
"I love you world lalala... I love love your smells lalala...", Harry sang. Then Tony saw him and decided it would be fun to let chase Harry with a chainsaw. After an hour our so and a couple of lost limbs that grew back, Harry was laughing and giggling.  
  
"You're the bestest cousin in the whole wide world will you teach me to be cool and tough ."  
  
"Yeee-ah wut eva cuz", Tony Montana said.  
  
So Tony then spent fine seconds on teaching Harry on how to be a gangsta.  
  
"Harry, homie yur a quick lerna dawg u r off the shiznit", Tony then said.  
  
"Ok, gangster my turn with the chainsaw", Harry said.  
  
Harry sliced one side of Tony's face.  
  
"Thanks homie now I can be called scarface and cing yur a wizard u can you can change my nationality to Cuban. But for the stories sake I hav ta hate u for it so no hard feelings." Tony A.K.A. scarface said.  
  
"First of all home dog I didn't know there was such a place as Cuba. Second of all NO ONE IS SUPPOSED TO KNOW I'M A WIZARD... NOT EVEN ME. I don't mind if you hate me I completely understand." Harry said.  
  
"Any way I need to chase you to the house wit muh Tommy gun so let's dance dawg." Tony said as he began to fire bullets at Harry.  
  
So they ran back to the house.  
  
(I'm getting good at using these time lapse things. But I still feel my story is a hopeless cause) At the house more postcards came. Finally they stopped. Then there were lowed screeching noises from the fireplaces as 4 large postcards with fire and spikes and skulls on them shot out. They landed on Harry's lap. Harry flipped it over to see puffy pink princess stuff all over it. Harry threw up at the sickening sight.  
  
The letter invited Harry to a school of witchcraft and wizardry but Harry knew he had to wait for some random guy to come. He waited and waited and waited... he waited for five hours when he remembered he had to wait for three more hours before his birthday.  
  
"...one minute left", Harry yelled excitedly. Then time froze.  
  
"Why does time always freeze hen something important in my life is about happen", he sobbed into some random giants coat that just appeared out of nowhere.  
  
"Where the bloody hell did you come from. Harry asked amazed.  
  
The man mumbled something that sounded like "your a weeza" but Harry knew he said that he was a wizard so he was very excited.  
  
"When do we buy my school supplies." Harry asked  
  
The man spoke relatively clearly. As a matter of fact it sounded like the guy from the disclaimer. "In the next chapter."  
  
A/N: RR hoped you liked it. 


End file.
